As we grow older, we tend to create our own little community. If we’re lucky, we become parents. Then, if we’re truly blessed, we get to watch our children grow and, eventually, welcome our grandchildren into the world.
Having reached a half century on earth, Mandisa Tucker has a thought or two on why grandparents are the wisest, kindest and most respected members of our families.
Ms Tucker has been a grandparent for nine years and currently has three beautiful grandchildren, each of whom she is very proud. She does, however, openly admit that she was NOT ready to be a grandparent.
“I was not ready at all. It took me awhile to actually accept the fact I was becoming a grandparent. I was there for my grandson’s birth. Mine was the first face he saw; I was the first person to hold him.
“You don’t understand your heart has room to grow until you have a grandchild. Knowing that I can love on them and send them back to their parents is the best part of being a grandparent!”
We’ve all heard that last sentiment numerous times. Parenting of any sort is, of course, much easier when one doesn’t have to take on the responsibility of disciplining children – sending a tiresome child back to their parent is an awesome grandparenting privilege.
Changing with the times
Modern parenting is often said to be generally softer than old school parenting, and that extends to modern grandparents as well. Ms Tucker reflects on how her role as a grandparent may differ from that of her own grandparents.
“I think I am a different grandparent from my grandparents. I feel like I am strong and wise, but they were strong and wise in a different way. I’m present, I’m active, and I show up for them every time. Just as mine did for me – but it seems like it’s in different ways.”
The challenges that children face today are significantly more diverse than the challenges that children of past generations faced, so meeting them where they are makes a lot of sense for modern grandparents and modern parents alike.
Ms Tucker believes that her own child-rearing instincts and responsibilities have changed over time and is grateful that she’s been able to evolve into a much wiser parent.
“Becoming a parent was a learning game, and looking back, I got so much wrong. Watching my children raising their children, I try not to tell them how they should do things, but sometimes I do show them a different way that I would I do it, because what they’re doing didn’t work for me. I am not as quick to smack, I talk more. Either I don’t have the patience, or the energy; these kids are different!”
Grandparents have always adopted a more laissez-faire approach when ‘coparenting’ with their kids. Ultimately, this is a great tactic to employ, because, as we well know, the responsibility for raising a child – naturally – lies with the parent. Ms Tucker has no problem with that.
“I have no issues with no responsibilities at all. I waited for this day! I had my kids young and grew with them. This mama has a lot of life left, and I probably party more than my children!”
Giving all your love
Although freedom from ultimate responsibility is a relief for young grandparents, many would not hesitate to give all they have for their grand-babies. Ms Tucker is no different, and her stories about her grandchildren exhibit this quite vividly.
“My grandchildren were all born in the United Kingdom, so the distance was a bit hard. I was able to be there for my grandson’s birth. My daughter, being my only girl, I wouldn’t be anywhere else!
“We almost lost her bringing him into this world – so, we had to love him a little more. He came in like the sweet storm he is today.”
Mandisa hadn’t even become accustomed to being a grandparent before her second grandchild was on the way – so, off she went.
“I flew up to meet her. She was a week old, and my grandson was going one. I think with them being so far away, I was just a grandparent for a few weeks a year. I missed them so much. I called every day after work – but it wasn’t the same.
“I made sure I flew up to see them twice a year, and they came home to visit. My third grandchild came during Covid. I took all the risk and flew up to meet her and spent a month there.”
Hugs and kisses for no reason
Ms Tucker lost her own mother not long after the birth of her third grandchild, making her the family matriarch. That solemn time prepared her for her current role as a full-time grandparent.
“Three years ago, they ALL moved back to Bermuda and grandparenting changed! I love them with everything I have, but liking them is a different story.” She asserts with distinct levity.
“I have now become a full-time grandparent and realize my mother was a superhero when it came to my kids. I would do any and everything for them, but if I don’t have to – I have raised great parents, so let me just do what I want, when I want.
“I have even tried to be mean, and I’m still the one they want ALL THE TIME. I honestly won’t trade them for the world; they are my true gifts.”
“I have three children, and raised them, after my husband passed, by myself. When I have these three grandkids by myself, I sit and look, and I don’t have a clue how I did it.
“This new journey has shown me a new depth of love, gave me children I can give back [to their parents], sports days that I love, hugs and kisses for no reason, and ‘I love yous’ – just because. Being a grandparent is not the job you plan for, or ask for, but it’s definitely one I’m thankful for.”
