You did it. You’re finally a legal adult and on your own, fresh with your sense of freedom, but weighed down by responsibility.
Moving from dependence to independence; taking responsibility for your own choices; stepping into adulthood and exploring your identity, values and goals – these all serve as a rite of passage from one stage of life to another.
So, how do you build your tribe while maintaining your individual standards? How do you hold yourself accountable while expanding your horizons?
Fitzgerald Williams, founder and psychotherapist at Masc, which offers counselling for men by men, shared advice on the top things to look out for and how to establish your own space.
“College might be your first taste of real freedom, no rules, no one watching,” Mr Williams said.
“It can be exciting, but also scary. Real independence isn’t about saying yes to everything, it’s about figuring out who you are and having the confidence and sometimes courage to choose what’s right for you.”
He warned that navigating this new freedom and friends can be challenging.
“It comes with pressure for acceptance and fitting into the group or maybe even saying yes to things you’re not ordinarily comfortable with,” he said.
Here are Mr Williams’s practical tips to help you navigate and protect yourself:
- Know your boundaries. Before you get caught up in the social life on and off campus, ask yourself: What am I comfortable with? What are my “hard no’s”? What situations make me feel uneasy?
Your boundaries come from your values and comfort level and not based on what everyone else is doing. Knowing your limits allows you to stick to them.
- Alternative ways to say no. Saying no can be hard but doesn’t have to be complicated. Short and simple usually gets the job done.
Here are a few casual options:
* “No, I’m good.”
* “That’s not really my thing or I’m not really feeling that.”
* “I’m calling it a night.”
* “I’ll pass, but let’s catch up later.”
- Handling social situations. Managing new social circles can be fun but also overwhelming at times. Try these tips:
* Check in with yourself. Do I feel safe? Do I feel respected?
* Give yourself an exit time. Deciding ahead of time when you’re leaving the event makes it easier to make an exit. You can always stay longer if you choose.
* Go with someone you trust. A friend who shares your vibe makes all the difference.
* Take a break if needed. Get some air if it becomes too much.
* You’re allowed to leave any situation that doesn’t feel right.
- Social media comparison. When in school, it can appear you are falling behind everyone in life. Remember, they are posting highlights, not the full story.
If you find yourself comparing:
* Take a break from scrolling.
* Mute accounts that make you feel “less than.”
* Remember you’re still building your life, that takes time.
* Focus on what’s happening in your real life, not someone else’s posts.
* Ask yourself: is this inspiring me, or making me feel behind?
