Congratulations! Your child is now a ‘baby adult’ and is off on their own at college. They’re ready. They can handle this. Can you?
For perhaps the first time, you are not a constant presence in your child’s life. How will you know how they’re really doing?
One Bermudian family let us into their world when it comes to this stage in their lives. Hopefully, these tips and ideas can help you navigate this new chapter.
“Having a consistent, intimate, relationship with your child is key to this whole process,” the parents shared. “If you don’t have a good relationship with your child, these next ideas may be more difficult to initiate.”
Prior to leaving, setting up a weekly call is an easy agreement to come to. Of course, establish that a phone call is welcome anytime just to keep in touch or in case of emergency. Consistent communication is beneficial for the mental health of all parties involved.
“Communication is so much easier now,” explained the parents. “Back in the day you had to rely on snail mail or a timed phone call. Sometimes the student would have to call collect!” (Look that up if you don’t know what it means.)
“Something that meant a lot to me was receiving a care package from home,”confessed the daughter. “At the time, I thought it was a little corny, but it reminded me that someone was thinking about me. It brightened some tough times.”
Another idea that these parents insisted upon was to have someone in the area of the student who they know to keep up with them. This was especially helpful for the student.
“Bermudians are everywhere,”she laughed, “so I had classmates who went to the same school as I did, but there were also family friends who lived in the area. It was nice to know there was a ‘backup person’ in case I needed a break or some help.”
You should also encourage your student to find a trusted mentor outside of their academic advisor. Look for someone what can be a good ‘substitute parent’. An older, experienced person, such as a mature student or professor usually fits the bill. This person can help spot some warning signs of fatigue, stress, social issues or isolation.
Small tips for parents include getting your child’s permission to share their grades with you. Encourage time management skills that will undoubtedly be different from when they were in high school. Share your stories, good and bad.
“Our college stories are far more varied and memorable than what we’ve heard from our daughter so far,” chuckled the parents. “Maybe it’s because we could get away with more prior to the days of social media and the internet, but we want her to have her own positive memories of university. Now everything seems to have some sort of digital footprint, so you have to be more careful.”
Encourage your student to ask for help on academic subjects or in personal areas. Ask what their social life is like. Encourage the student to get involved in extracurricular activities. It encourages them to stay in school and get involved in an area of interest. Encourage the student to keep a diary.
Learn something new alongside your child – it may open opportunities for connection, and it keeps your brain young. Trust that your student is making wise decisions. If you can, give them a surprise by just showing up!
Trust yourselves. You’ll find that maintaining a long-distance relationship with your child as they are becoming adults will reap the benefits of having a well-balanced, engaged, citizen of life, for life. Enjoy the new versions of them and yourselves!
Academic warning signs
- Missing classes or skipping exams often.
- Sudden drops in test scores or project grades.
- Not turning in homework on time.
- Seeming overwhelmed by basic assignments.
Emotional or mental signs
- Sadness or crying that does not stop.
- Extreme mood swings or sudden anger.
- Loss of interest in hobbies and clubs.
- Talking about feeling hopeless or trapped.
Physical and social signs
- Sleeping too much or staying awake for days.
- Big changes in weight or eating habits.
- Smelling bad or wearing dirty clothes.
- Pulling away from friends and roommates.
